Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family, Part 2-Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks
Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family, Part 2-Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks
When we’ve grown up in dysfunctional families, life and relationships can feel much more difficult. As a San Francisco psychologist, I have witnessed firsthand the profound effects that growing up in a dysfunctional family can have on a person's mental health and overall well-being. Dysfunctional families are characterized by a lack of emotional support, communication issues, neglect, abuse, and a general sense of chaos and instability. In the previous article, Effects Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family, Part 1: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks, we covered the factors that contribute to family dysfunction and protective factors, which help minimize the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
What I hear from clients is that often dysfunctional behaviors in their families while growing up were seen as normal and common and it was the accepted way of being. I’ve heard clients tell me how their parent was drunk everyday, and they had to take care of them and their household. Clients have expressed how they were often compared to another family member or peer and constantly berated for “not being as good as them” whether it was grades, or sports, or appearance. These are just a few of the dysfunctional upbringing examples I’ve heard of. In this article, I will shed light on the lasting consequences of such an upbringing, drawing from my experience working with individuals who have faced these challenges.
Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family: Children raised in dysfunctional families often internalize certain behaviors and coping mechanisms that they consider normal, but which can have detrimental effects in their adult lives. Let's explore some of these effects:
Not expressing their feelings and holding them inside: Growing up in an environment lacking emotional support, children from dysfunctional families may suppress their emotions. As adults, they may struggle to recognize and express their feelings effectively, which can impact their ability to form healthy connections and lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. The tricky part is people may not even realize how they are feeling. In such a case, self-awareness is the first step.
Forgiving someone's behavior and overlooking it: Growing up in a dysfunctional family can normalize the pattern of forgiving and tolerating unhealthy behavior, even when the person shows no signs of change. The underlying message is that it’s ok to keep behaving this way, and this can perpetuate toxic dynamics in other personal interactions and relationships.
Covering up problems for other people: In dysfunctional families, children often feel a sense of responsibility to protect their loved ones or maintain the family's image. This habit of secrecy and denial not only prevents open and honest communication which leads to more dysfunction in the relationship, but it usually comes with a deep sense of shame.
Going on and pretending as if nothing happened: Children from dysfunctional families may learn to brush aside problems and pretend that everything is fine. As adults, they may struggle to confront conflicts and avoid difficult conversations, making it difficult to communicate in healthy and assertive ways, and resolve problems with others. For example, if someone might feel they can never express to their partner how it feels when they say or do something that is upsetting to them.
Denying there is an issue or not acknowledging it: Children growing up in dysfunctional families often witness issues being downplayed or ignored. If the environment you grew up in told you that it was bad to admit having a problem and seeking help, you might not be aware of how depression, anxiety, addiction, or other problem might be causing you problems. You’re more likely to deny it and not seek help, which makes mental health problems only worsen.
Keeping secretive vital information that should be shared: The habit of secrecy learned in dysfunctional families can lead to difficulties in sharing important information openly and honestly. Trust issues and fear of judgment can impede the development of meaningful and trusting relationships. As mentioned, holding family secrets, especially when it’s something that should be shared, causes immense internal emotional struggles including guilt, shame, and anxiety.
Allowing themselves to be around toxic or damaging people: With dysfunctional family backgrounds, individuals may struggle to recognize red flags and set boundaries, making them more susceptible to toxic or harmful relationships. Such individuals tend to be more drawn to toxic or damaging people because on some level, they are use to it. It may take time for them to realize the detrimental effects of being around such people.
Behaving aggressively to get what they want: Dysfunctional family environments may normalize aggression or manipulation as means of achieving goals. As adults, individuals may resort to aggressive behavior, perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction in their relationships. Physical and verbal abuse is something people often learn from the families in which they grow up so a person is more likely to be have aggressively with others when that’s what they’re use to. Behaving aggressively at work or in your relationships causes a host of problems for you and others.
In the next blog post, we will continue this series on the Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family, Part 3: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks. I’ll share some strategies to help you get started in changing some of the dysfunctional dynamics and start to break the vicious cycle of dysfunctional family behaviors. (If you haven’t already, make sure you read the previous article, Effects Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family, Part 1: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks).
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can have lasting effects on mental health. As a psychologist in San Francisco, I have closely worked with individuals affected by dysfunctional family backgrounds. It's important to realize that these patterns can be overcome through therapy and personal growth. There is hope! A professional can help provide guidance in breaking free from dysfunction and developing healthier habits so you can trust yourself better and have more fulfilling relationships and interactions with others. After all, a brighter and healthier future that you deserve; isn’t that all you want?
If you feel drawn to and ready to explore these topics further or seek tools to manage your family relationships, I am here to be your supportive guide. You want a psychologist who comprehends the intricacies of familial dynamics and can provide the support you need. Feel free to contact me for a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation, where we can discuss your requirements for healthier relationships and improved interactions with the important individuals in your life.
Specialties include therapy for depression, anxiety, work stress, relationships, and life changes.
In Case You Missed It! Additional Blog Posts in this series:
Effects Of Growing Up In A Dysfunctional Family, Part 1: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks
Anxiety Therapy San Francisco 101: 8 Self-Care Tips For Go-Getters To Reach Their Goals
