Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family, Part 1: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks
Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family, Part 1: Your San Francisco Psychologist Speaks
Have you ever wondered about your family relationships, and how your upbringing has made you who you are today? Families are supposed to be a source of love, support, and security, but when things go wrong, they can be a breeding ground for chaos, trauma, and pain. Despite this, many people tend to suffer in silence, feeling alone and ashamed, and unable to seek help.
Years ago, I was invited as a psychologist to the Dr. Phil Show, to meet a mother and her adult daughter who had years of dysfunction and resentment in their relationship. Even today, I am reminded of the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family as I talk with my clients about their experiences and feelings.
The effects of growing up in dysfunctional families are not uncommon, and it's essential to talk about the effects to raise awareness and promote healing.
It's crucial to acknowledge that dysfunctional families can have a significant impact on our lives, influencing our behavior, beliefs, and emotions well into adulthood.
Children from dysfunctional families often grow up with emotional scars that can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and a host of other mental health problems. (I will cover this more deeply in Part 2 of this blog.) Some highly ambitious professional adults are children from dysfunctional families. They learned to channel their feelings into becoming high achievers and overachievers, driven to succeed in ways that can also be unhealthy.
Unfortunately, dysfunctional families are more prevalent than we may realize, and the problem spans all races, cultures, and socio-economic backgrounds. The reality is that no family is perfect, and everyone has some form of dysfunction.
In this first part of the three-part blog, we will explore some of the common factors and behaviors of dysfunctional families. We will also cover some of the factors that help protect children or buffer them from some of the harmful effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Factors That Contribute to Family Dysfunction
Abuse-Forms of abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, psychological or emotional, or financial or material abuse. Some of the forms of abuse overlap with another. For example, physical and sexual abuse also causes psychological abuse. While physical and sexual abuse might be easier to recognize, verbal, psychological or emotional, and financial or material abuse can be harder to recognize.
Neglect or lack of adequate care-This can include a child not getting what they need. It is also harder to detect in some families because there isn’t an obvious thing happening. Instead, it’s the lack of something that needs to happen. Some examples of physical neglect are not getting meals, or not having adequate clothing. Some common forms of emotional neglect are not being able to express one’s feelings. I’ll go into this in more depth.
Substance abuse or other addiction-There are many forms of addiction, including addiction to a substance such as drugs and alcohol. But also, addiction can include shopping, video games, pornography, or sex addiction, to name a few. One family member having an addiction can cause dysfunction in the family because it affects other family members.
Self-absorbed parents-Parents who have narcissistic qualities require other members of the family to cater to their needs causing an imbalance.
Parents who lack emotional maturity-This includes parents who do not know how to maturely deal with and express their own emotions in a healthy way.
Controlling and overbearing parents-This type of parent behavior makes it difficult for children to make their own choices as they grow and become independent.
Enmeshed family bonds-This refers to families that are overly involved.
Sibling rivalry or other competitive behaviors within the family
Children taking on parental roles –When a parent is not able for whatever reason, to fulfill their parental role, sometimes a child will take on that role. We call them a “parentified child.” The child does not get to fully think, feel, and behave like a child of their age.
Family members who have mental health disorders and are not getting treatment.
If you recognized any of these dysfunctional family dynamics in your own family, it might be difficult to admit. Or perhaps you’ve known the ways your family was dysfunctional and you’re more aware of how it has impacted you.
Not all adult children growing up in the types of families previously mentioned have problems or are damaged from their upbringing. In fact, human beings are so resilient, people have healed from awful life experiences. This is because of something psychologists call “protective factors.” Protective factors refer to the positive influences or circumstances that are present that help buffer the impact of the negative influences so a person can cope better. In other words, if someone grows up in a dysfunctional family, but has some positive influences, they may not experience some of the harmful effects of the family’s dysfunction on their mental health and well-being. They are less likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, and serious relationship stress.
Some examples of protective factors are:
Having secure relationships with other safe adults.
Having healthy interpersonal connections.
Having supportive friends and role models.
Having some positive parenting influences.
Having firm values and a sense of purpose and direction in life.
Having the ability to regulate their own emotions.
Having a positive mindset and displaying resourcefulness.
Participating in structured programs that encouraged developing healthy relationships.
In the next two blog posts, we will continue this series on the Effects of Growing up in a Dysfunctional Family. I’ll cover more about the effects of dysfunctional family upbringing on adults. I’ll also share some strategies to begin to change the dynamics in order to help end the vicious cycle of dysfunctional family behaviors.
If this blog article piqued your interest, you might benefit from learning more about the characteristics and effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Therapy is a great place to explore your own upbringing and bring awareness to how it has shaped your personality and behavior. As a psychologist in San Francisco, I help my clients who have grown up in dysfunctional and toxic families to uncover the dysfunction, to process their feelings, and heal from it. My clients gain more understanding, insight, and awareness which helps them in their current relationship dynamics. If you think you’d like to explore more or would just like some tools to deal with some of your family relationships, let’s talk. The best therapist in San Francisco is one you can trust and who understands the dynamics of families. Contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. Let’s talk about what you need to have healthier relationships and interactions with the people in your life.
